Catching Joy

During a recent coaching session, I asked a client a simple question.

“If you could feel one emotion more consistently in your day, what would it be?”

She didn’t hesitate.

“Joy,” she said. “I want to find more joy.”

The moment she said it, a phrase came to my mind.

“Catching joy.”

Instead of waiting for joy to appear, what if she made it her daily intention to notice it?

To catch it, in small moments, unexpected interactions, or simple experiences.

Almost like a gratitude journal.

But focused on joy.

She loved the idea.

So we created a very simple practice. Each morning she already did several minutes of deep breathing to calm her mind before starting her day. We decided that at the end of her breathing exercise she would add one affirmation:

“Today I am open to catching moments of joy.”

Then throughout the day, she would simply notice them.

Not force them. Not manufacture them. Just catch them.

A smile from a stranger. Sunlight through a window. A kind word. A quiet moment of peace.

At the end of the day, she would reflect on the moments she caught. I recommended Journaling those moments.

When she checked back in with me, the results surprised even her.

Her days felt lighter. She found herself smiling more .Small frustrations didn’t take over the way they used to. She felt more energy.

And here’s what fascinated me the most:

Nothing about her external life had dramatically changed.

What changed was her brain.

What Science Shows

When we intentionally look for positive emotional experiences, like joy, gratitude, appreciation, the brain begins to reorganize what it notices.

Neuroscientists call this attentional bias. Our brain naturally scans the environment for what it expects to find. let's repeat that...what it expects to find. If we constantly anticipate problems or stress, our brain becomes very good at finding them.

But when we repeatedly look for positive moments, the brain begins to strengthen neural pathways associated with positive emotion.

Each time she noticed a joyful moment, her brain released small amounts of dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with motivation and reward. Dopamine doesn’t just make us feel good; it reinforces the behavior that created the feeling.

In other words, the brain begins learning:

“This is worth noticing again.”

Positive experiences can also increase serotonin, which contributes to feelings of well-being and emotional stability.

Over time, these small emotional moments can also stimulate the release of oxytocin, the connection hormone that helps us feel trust and belonging.

But something else important was happening too.

Her new practice was interrupting the stress loop.

Chronic stress keeps the nervous system in a constant state of high alert. When we repeatedly shift attention toward positive experiences, the brain begins activating the parasympathetic nervous system, the part responsible for calm, restoration, and healing.

In this calmer state, the body produces less cortisol and inflammation, and more of the neurochemicals that support emotional balance, mental clarity, and even physical health.

All from something as simple as noticing joy.

The Brain Learns What We Practice

Our brains are constantly learning from repetition.

What we notice repeatedly becomes easier to notice again.

Over time, this is how patterns are built.

Many people unknowingly train their brain to scan for stress, problems, or disappointment. It’s not intentional, it’s simply the result of repetition. If your mind has been rehearsing worry or frustration for years, your brain becomes very efficient at finding more of it.

But the same brain that learned that pattern can learn a different one.

By intentionally catching moments of joy, my client was teaching her brain something new:

“Look here.”

Each time she noticed a joyful moment, she was gently interrupting the old stress autopilot and installing a new pattern of attention.

Over time, that new pattern begins to pass the brain’s safety test. It becomes familiar. It becomes predictable. And eventually, it becomes easier for the brain to access.

Joy stops feeling rare. It starts feeling available.

Why Breathing Matters

There was another important piece of her practice: breathing.

Before she began her day, she spent at least 5 minutes slowing her breath, inhaling slowly and extending her exhale. This type of breathing stimulates the vagus nerve and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps the body shift out of stress mode.

When the brain and body feel calm, the brain becomes more open to forming new neural connections. Scientists call this state-dependent learning, the brain learns and rewires more easily when it feels safe.

In other words, the breathing prepared her brain to receive the new pattern.

Calm first. Then intention.

Joy Becomes Easier to Catch

Over the next few days she began sharing small examples.

A conversation with a coworker that made her laugh. A quiet moment in the morning before the house woke up. A beautiful sky during her drive.

None of these moments were extraordinary.

But they were noticeable, because now her brain at an intention.

And that’s what changed everything.

Instead of finishing her day feeling drained by stress, she finished it remembering the moments that felt good.

Not because life had suddenly become perfect.

But because her brain had learned where to look.

Try Catching Joy

If you want to experiment with this yourself, it can be very simple.

Start your morning with at least 5 minutes of slow breathing, deep breathing...

(My favorite is Square or Boxed Breathing...inhale 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4...then begin again)

Then set an intention:

“Today I am open to catching moments of joy.”

Throughout the day, simply notice them when they appear. It helps, especially in the beginning to journal them, to remind you.

You may be surprised by how many small moments are already there waiting to be seen.

A Reflection

Before you finish reading, pause for a moment and ask yourself:

• When was the last time I intentionally noticed joy in my day?

• What small moments might I have missed today?

• What might change if I began looking for them?

Because the brain will eventually find whatever it practices looking for.

So the question becomes:

What are you training your brain to notice?

If you decide to join us in the "Catching Joy" Game, I’d love to hear from you.

What moment of joy did you catch today?

Sometimes the smallest moments are the ones that remind us how much life is actually offering us.

And if you are ready to take this and other practices to a higher level to help you create sustainable joy, schedule your complimentary Session and let's discuss how to get you there!

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Rewiring Your Belief Autopilot: The Science of Sustainable Change

There was a time when everyone said:

“If you want to build a habit, just do it for 28 days.”

But 28 days isn’t magic.

Repetition is.

Your brain is constantly scanning for one thing: safety.

Primarily, i is trying to make you predictable.

Because predictable feels safe.

When you repeat a behavior over and over, whether it’s going to the gym, biting your nails, overthinking, or assuming the worst, your brain begins wiring that repetition into a neural pattern.

Neurons that fire together wire together. That’s basic neuroplasticity.

Over time, that repeated behavior moves from conscious effort into automatic processing. Structures like the basal ganglia begin to run the sequence for you, so your conscious brain doesn’t have to expend energy thinking about it.

This is why you can drive the same route to work every day and sometimes arrive with almost no memory of the drive.

You weren’t asleep. You were automated.

The pattern had passed the brain’s safety test.

Repetition + predictability = “This is safe.”

And here’s the important part:

The brain does not distinguish between empowering patterns and limiting ones.

If it is repeated, it is stored. If it is predictable, it feels safe.

Which means:

• Overreacting can become autopilot.

• Self-doubt can become autopilot.

• Expecting rejection can become autopilot.

• Chronic stress can become autopilot.

Many of our belief patterns were built long before we had the awareness to question them. If, as a child, you repeatedly experienced criticism, your brain may have wired in hypervigilance. If you repeatedly feel overlooked, your brain may have wired in defensiveness.

Those patterns passed the safety test.

Not because they were empowering.But because they were familiar.

Once a pattern is installed, the brain prefers to reuse it. It’s efficient. It conserves energy. It reduces uncertainty.

That’s autopilot.

Think of it like software.

Your brain runs on internal programming.

When you repeat a thought, reaction, or belief often enough, it becomes installed code. And once it’s installed, the system runs it automatically.

You don’t consciously choose it every time.

It just executes.

The problem is, many of our core belief patterns were installed early, when we didn’t know we were coding anything.

And here’s the key:

The brain doesn’t uninstall old software just because you decide you don’t like it.

It keeps running what feels familiar.

So if you want a new result, you don’t shame the old program.

You interrupt it. You install an update. And you run the new version consistently enough that the system recognizes it as safe.

So how do we replace an old belief pattern that has been running for years?

Two things must happen:

1. You interrupt the old autopilot.

2. You install and repeat a new one.

   
   

But there is a third factor most people miss.

The brain must feel safe while doing it.

What Science Actually Says About Sustainable Change

Modern research shows habit formation is not about a fixed number of days. Studies from University College London found habits can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days to form, depending on the behavior and the individual.

The average? About 66 days.

But even that misses the deeper truth.

Sustainable patterns are built through repetition under regulation.

Here’s what neuroscience tells us:

• Neuroplasticity is state-dependent. The brain rewires more effectively when it is calm. Chronic stress impairs learning because the brain prioritizes survival over growth.

• Emotion strengthens wiring. The stronger the emotional charge, the stronger the neural encoding.

• Repetition builds myelin. Repeated neural firing strengthens pathways, making them faster and more automatic.

• Prediction equals safety. When a new pattern is repeated enough times without threat, it becomes the new predictable, and therefore safe, response.

This is why breathing matters.

Slow, controlled breathing, especially longer exhales, stimulate the vagus nerve, increases parasympathetic activation, lowers cortisol, and shifts the brain out of survival mode. In this regulated state, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning and reappraisal, becomes more active.

You cannot sustainably install a new belief while your body feels unsafe.

Safety is the gateway to rewiring.

So the sequence becomes:

Regulate first. Reframe second. Repeat consistently.

For example:

Old autopilot: “This never works out for me.”

Interrupt: Pause. Notice the thought.

Regulate: Breathe slowly: inhale for four, exhale for six, for 60–90 seconds.

Allow your heart rate to settle.

Install new pattern: “I am capable of navigating whatever happens”

“This may be an opportunity in a form I didn’t expect.”

Then repeat.

Not because 28 days is magic.

But because repetition tells your brain, “This is safe now.”

Eventually, the new belief feels less forced. Then less foreign. Then familiar. Then automatic.

Autopilot isn’t the enemy.

It’s simply running the pattern you gave it.

The question is:

Are you consciously choosing the software that runs your life?

Because whatever you repeat, emotionally, mentally, behaviorally, will eventually pass the safety test.

And once it does, it becomes your default.

A Reflection

Before you move on, pause for a moment and ask yourself:

• What belief autopilot has been running in my life?

• When did it first get installed?

• Has it simply passed the safety test through repetition, or is it truly serving me?

• What new default do I want to install?

Remember: your brain will run whatever you repeat.

The question is not whether you have autopilot.

The question is:

What default are you choosing to install?

I invite you to brainstorm with me to see what may already be installed, and what needs updating.

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The Power of Accepting What Is

There is a quiet strength I didn’t understand for most of my life.

Acceptance.

Not resignation. Not weakness. Not “this is all I deserve.”

But the powerful, regulating choice to stop fighting reality.

For years, I believed that if something wasn’t the way I wanted it to be, someone’s behavior, a work situation, a relationship dynamic, then I needed to fix it, push it, manage it, mentally wrestle with it, and feel the weight of "why me?"

What I didn’t realize then was this: Resistance doesn’t change reality.

When we argue with “what is,” our nervous system interprets it as a threat. The body tightens. The heart rate rises. The mind begins spinning scenarios. We move into fight, flight, or rumination. We suffer not only because of what is happening, but because of our internal war with it.

And most of the time, the war is rooted in expectation.

We expect people to behave a certain way. We expect opportunities to unfold a certain way. We expect outcomes to match the image we have in our mind.

But here is the deeper layer I’ve come to understand through my own transformation:

Our expectations are often shaped by our beliefs about ourselves...rooted in what we think we need for survival.

If I subconsciously believe I must earn love, I will be triggered when I don't receive that validation I need, or I will resist situations that don’t feel validating enough. If I believe I am overlooked, I will be triggered when I realize the slight without understanding of the facts, or I would resist outcomes that don’t instantly affirm me. If I believe life is unfair, I will look for proof that it is unfair and my brain will look for situations that prove to me that life is unfair. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And then I will suffer; not because of what is happening, but because what is happening doesn’t match the internal story I’m carrying.

Acceptance changes that.

Acceptance is not saying, “I like this.” It is saying, “This is what is happening.”

That single shift moves the nervous system out of resistance and into regulation.

When I accept what is, my body softens. My breath deepens. My mind clears. And from that clarity, I can see something I couldn’t see before:

Maybe this situation is not here to punish me. Maybe it is here to teach me. Maybe it is redirecting me. Maybe it is refining me. Maybe it is revealing an expectation I need to release.

The old phrase “go with the flow” used to feel passive to me. Now I see it differently.

Flow is not giving up.

Flow is trusting that reality, even when inconvenient, may still be working in my favor.

When we stop resisting, we create space....space for what could be different, even better.

And in that space, we often discover something unexpected: What is happening may still serve us just not in the form we demanded.

Sometimes better. Sometimes different. Sometimes humbling. Always instructive. It is our choice.

Acceptance does not mean we never take action. It means we act from calm logical mind, rather than a contracted chaos mind.

From acceptance, we can:

• Adjust expectations.• Clarify boundaries.• Make new decisions.• Walk away if necessary.• Or stay, and see it through with a different outcome other than what was anticipated, but without suffering internally.

Peace is not found when everything matches our preference.

Peace is found when our nervous system is not fighting reality.

This is the essence of what I do in my work within Mindology- where mind meets physiology.

Because unconscious stress patterns (our buried beliefs) teach us to resist what feels uncomfortable. But when we align mind and body, when we allow the moment to be what it is without immediate rejection, we access something deeper:

A recognition.

Just because something doesn’t arrive the way we expected doesn’t mean it isn’t an opportunity.

We suffer when life doesn’t match the picture in our mind. But opportunities rarely show up wearing the label we gave them.

Sometimes they come disguised as delay. Sometimes as redirection. Sometimes as discomfort. Sometimes, as a lesson about our expectations.

Acceptance doesn’t mean settling.

It means giving reality a chance to reveal what it might be offering, even if it’s not wrapped the way we imagined.

When we soften our grip on how it “should” look, we can see what it actually is.

And often, it still serves us. Just differently. Sometimes even better.

And when we practice acceptance, something remarkable happens:

Life stops feeling like something we must survive, and starts feeling like something we can navigate.

Calmly. Clearly. Confidently.

A Gentle Reflection

Before you move on with your day, pause and consider:

• Where in my life am I resisting “what is” right now?

• What expectation am I holding that may be increasing my stress?

• If I allowed this situation to simply be what it is, without fighting it, how would my body feel?

• What might this moment be teaching me?

Acceptance is not giving up. It is giving yourself peace first, so you can see clearly.

If you would like to discuss further, I would love to help you find the whys of any resistence by scheduling a complimentary 30 minute session:

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