- Trish Heitz
- 4 days ago
- 5 min read
(And It’s Not Your Fault)
How are those New Years Resolutions coming? Usually, by the end of January, something familiar often happens...
The excitement of the New Year begins to fade. The goals that once felt motivating now feel heavier. And a quiet inner dialogue starts to creep in:
“Why can’t I stick with anything?”
“I was so motivated, what happened?”
“Maybe this just isn’t who I am.”
If this sounds familiar, I want you to know something important right away:
This isn’t a willpower problem. And it’s not a personal failure.
What’s happening has far less to do with the resolution itself, and everything to do with how the brain responds to change when it’s been living under stress.
The Part No One Explains About Change
I don't know anyone who is not stressed in our current culture. Stress creates a brain in survival mode. What happens is most of us believe we stop following through on our goals because the habits are “hard.”
But in reality, the tasks themselves usually aren’t the issue.
The real issue is that change challenges the brain’s sense of safety.
Your brain’s primary job isn’t growth, success, or happiness. Its primary job is survival.
Survival means:
keeping things familiar
staying on autopilot
avoiding emotional or psychological risk
Even when what’s familiar no longer serves us.
Why the Brain Prefers Autopilot
When stress has been running the brain for a long time, the brain shifts into survival mode.
In survival mode, the brain’s priority is not growth, change, or self-improvement. Its priority is safety.
Safety means:
keeping things familiar
conserving energy
avoiding emotional risk
staying on autopilot- what we know is safe.
Autopilot feels safer than change because it’s predictable, known and therefore, safe, even when it’s uncomfortable. The brain doesn't care if its uncomfortable; it care if it is safe.
This is why making changes, even positive ones, can feel so difficult. Not because the goal is wrong, but because change pulls the brain out of what it already knows how to manage.
What Survival Mode Looks Like in Everyday Life
When the brain is operating from survival mode, it becomes very good at distraction.
Not because you are lazy or unmotivated, but because distraction keeps the system regulated in what it knows...autopilot of stress.
You may notice:
procrastination
difficulty following through
loss of motivation
sudden urgency around other tasks
a quiet pull back toward familiar patterns
This happens without conscious awareness.
The brain is not sabotaging you, it is protecting you.
The Hidden Layer Beneath Resistance
Often, beneath distraction and resistance is an unconscious belief pattern formed long ago.
Beliefs such as:
“This isn’t who I am.”
“I don’t follow through.”
“I’ll fail anyway.”
“I’m not worthy of this.”
These beliefs are not stored as conscious thought. They live in the unconscious mind and were formed at a time when your brain was still developing and doing its best to make sense of the world.
When a goal directly challenges one of these old patterns, the stress response is activated —and the brain works to pull you back to familiar ground.
Why Calm Feels Unfamiliar at First
For someone who has lived under chronic stress, calm does not immediately feel safe.
The nervous system has learned that alertness equals protection. Stillness and calm can feel unfamiliar, maybe even uncomfortable at first.
This is why calm cannot be forced through willpower or positive thinking.
It must be relearned through safety and repetition. In other words, you have to train your brain that it is safe to be calm.
With consistent practice, the nervous system will begin to understand that calm does not mean danger. It will learn safety through regulation.
What Becomes Available When the Brain Feels Safe
When the stress response is reduced, the brain regains access to its full range of intelligence.
Creativity returns. Perspective widens. Reflection becomes possible again.
This is where the Default Mode Network (DMN) becomes accessible.
The DMN is associated with:
calm contemplation
meaning-making
integration of past, present, and future
inner awareness and coherence
This state is not something new to learn, which is why the brain will organically access this as the stress response is not over riding the DMN.
It is the brain’s natural, organic default... a place we return to when the nervous system feels safe enough to rest.
The Real Goal of Change
The goal is not to eliminate stress forever.
The goal is to:
reduce the stress response
retrain the nervous system to feel safe in calm
remove unconscious patterns that keep pulling us back
and restore access to our natural default of clarity and peace
We will still have times when we feel unsafe, and we will still have a momentary stress alert response, but the difference is we can easily move away from that alert now that the brain feels safe with calm. The autopilot spin has been quieted.
When this happens, change no longer feels like a battle.
Follow-through becomes possible not through pressure, but through alignment.
Creating a New Autopilot
You don’t need to become someone else.
You need to remove what has been blocking access to who you already are.
As old stress-based patterns lose their grip, a new autopilot forms ; one that supports growth, engagement, and trust in yourself.
This is how real change happens.
Not by fighting the brain, but by teaching it that it is safe to move forward.
A Gentle Invitation
If this resonates, you’re not alone.
And you don’t have to navigate this process by yourself. Because doing it alone is much harder, and it takes much more time. I know...I worked on mine alone and it took so much more time and effort.
Neuroscience tells us, when we work with the nervous system, rather than against it, the brain can shut off the survival mode and return to its natural default of calm reflection.
If you’re ready to explore what’s beneath the stress patterns that keep pulling you back, I invite you to learn more about Reset Your Stress Default ; a guided experience designed to help the brain feel safe enough to access clarity, confidence, and peace again. We currently are in the midst of a 4 week group workshop, but we also offer this individually and for custom groups.
Because change doesn’t fail when we’re incapable. It fails when the system underneath still believes it isn’t safe.
And that can be changed.
Our current 4 week group program has been completed, but please contact us at: pheitz@patriciaheitz.com to either create your own custom group, (friends, co workers, etc.) or be notified when we begin our next group program open to all.
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