When you STOP living for Approval
- Trish Heitz
- Nov 10
- 5 min read
How Living as your Authentic Self upgrades your life into Finding Peace, Confidence and Prosperity
For most of my life, I saw myself through the eyes of others. How I looked. What they thought of me. Whether they approved.
Every thought, decision, and action was filtered through that lens of “Do they like me?” or “Am I enough?” I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t actually seeing me, because I had NO IDEA who ME was. I only saw myself as how I thought I needed to be; only the reflection I believed others wanted to see.
After spending years healing my toxic beliefs and improving my life; I recently noticed, how something shifted. I noticed I wasn’t looking at what I needed to wear that day; only what I liked and was comfortable. I noticed I didn't even consider what others thought of what I had on, how I walked, how I looked, etc. It was a HUGE Aha moment for me! I can't even tell you the freedom, joy and self confidence of this recognition!
For the first time, I started feeling more me; the authentic me, not the version I had created to be accepted or admired. It was so freeing. Now I laugh at myself when I make a mistake in front of others, instead of wondering, What will people think? I no longer carry that constant background noise of self-judgment. There is only self-acceptance; self confidence, and with it, a sense of peace I had never known.
The Science of Belief & Self-Concept
Neuroscience is now confirming what I discovered studying mind/body science over 20 years ago, and have taught for years; that our beliefs about who we think we are literally shape how our brains function, how we create/manage stress, and how we experience life.
A 2022–23 study found that a clear and stable self-concept; the sense of truly knowing and accepting yourself, activates the medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC), improving emotional regulation, mental resilience, and overall therefore, well-being. Other additional research shows that people with low self-concept clarity are more likely to experience anxiety, burnout, and self-sabotage because their sense of self depends on external validation.
Another study, a 2023 study in Frontiers in Psychology also found that even self-beliefs regarding stress directly affect whether people are "stressed" by the emotion of stress because of what they believe. What this means in simple terms is powerful: it’s not the stress itself that is dangerous to us, it’s what we believe about it. When we think, “Oh no, I’m stressed; this is so bad; its happening again" our brain sounds an even louder alarm. The body reacts as if it’s under attack: the heart races, the breath shortens, the muscles tense, and the nervous system floods with chemicals that keep us on high alert. But when we can recognize stress as a natural signal; energy meant to help us respond, not having to harm us; we can quickly find resiliance. The heart rate calms, the breath deepens, and our mind shifts from panic to problem-solving. In other words, the moment we stop fearing the stress/fearing the trigger, we stop feeding it. However, if you believe you can handle stress/understand the triggers, your brain produces a more adaptive physiological response. This comes from what we have learned about handling issues/problems from childhood through adulthood. If we have never been taught that fight/flight/freeze is a natural response and we just have to recognize it as a signal our brain is telling us to be wary of danger, we can recover our homeostatis much quicker.
Your self-belief isn’t just mindset; it is our biology. This is why trying to just change our mindset doesn't work to alleviate stress.
What I Experienced
When I look back, I can see it clearly.I used to define myself by how others perceived me. If they liked me, I felt safe.If they didn’t, I felt unworthy. When I felt unworthy, I would react.
I was constantly reacting; editing myself, hiding pieces of who I was, trying to earn love and belonging. And the more I chased acceptance, the less worthy I felt. It's a never ending spiral.
Through years of studying mind-body science and healing my own toxic/limiting beliefs, I began to map out what became my D.A.R.E. Method™; the four steps I used to change not just my thoughts, but my entire life:
D — Discover the unconscious toxic beliefs that formed in childhood and quietly continue to drive your choices today.
A — Assess where those beliefs came from and how they’ve shaped your identity.
R — Recreate new beliefs that align with your truth, your gifts, and your potential.
E — Expand those beliefs into daily life until they become your new normal.
When I began living from those recreated beliefs, that allowed me to live as my authentic self, not from fear, the noise quieted. I stopped trying to prove my worth.I started feeling it.
And in that space, joy appeared in the simplest things; my morning coffee, my reflection in the mirror, the way I could now laugh without self-criticism. That’s when I realized: this is what it feels like to truly believe better.
Why This Upgrade Matters: The Results Are Real
Upgrading your self-belief changes far more than how you think. It changes how your brain, body, and energy system operate.
Science shows that:
Self-belief rewires your brain’s stress response. When you see yourself as capable and worthy, your nervous system stays balanced rather than reactive.
Authentic self-concept reduces burnout and anxiety. When your internal world is stable, you’re not spending energy trying to be who you’re not.
Positive self-belief boosts motivation and decision-making. Your prefrontal cortex (the center for planning and logic) activates, leading to clarity and confidence.
And in life, that translates to:
Better relationships (because you’re not reacting through old wounds).
More aligned career opportunities (because you show up as your true self; allowing for full display of all your gifts, strengths and talents).
Financial and emotional abundance (because you believe you deserve it AND you are operating from authentic talent).
And most importantly: peace.
Your Invitation to Believe Better
If you feel stressed, reactive, or surprised by how quickly small things trigger you, or it takes awhile to come down from something upsetting, there’s likely a buried belief underneath, begging to be seen.
Even subtle, “everyday” stress can be the echo of an old belief; one formed when your younger self misunderstood an experience and stored it as truth. It’s not your fault. It’s your brain’s way of protecting you.
But it doesn’t have to stay that way.
When you begin to discover, assess, recreate, and expand on your better beliefs, you create space for your authentic self to thrive; free from the weight of judgment, comparison, and fear.
If you’re ready to start uncovering and upgrading your own beliefs, I invite you to take advantage of a FREE 30-40 minute Discovery Session, where we’ll explore how stress affects your life, where the stress comes from, and how you can release the triggers through belief transformation.
Your freedom begins the moment you stop living in false beliefs, and start seeing yourself through your own magnificent authenticity.
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